Original post from 7/28/12 :)
Life is an intersting journey. As I write, several of my close friends are saying goodbye to loved ones. Their time on this earth is almost up...death always makes you stop and think about the things that REALLY matter in life. My first memory of a funeral was my Great Grandpa Kitterman. I was little so Aunt Claudia took us kids "exploring" while everyone else went to the funeral...I remember going to the church fellowship hall after and running up to everyone asking, "Did you cry?" As a young child different things can be fascinating while not grasping the fact that someone your family loved very much is no longer on this earth.
NE122...VA hopspital room...Melanoma...Papa has 6 months to two years. Writing those words still brings a chill to my body and tears to my eyes. My beloved Grandfather, Papa, was gone in 4 months. I was 15 and my world was shattered. You see, my Papa wasn't what I perceived as the "typical grandparents." He was like a Dad...so many life lessons that I will never forget. I'm sure I'll have to do several blog posts just to help you see who my Papa was...he taught me to back up a truck in between two irrigation ditches (don't fall in!), we broke every safety law known to man when it came to tractors--like the time when Mom was out of town and we were moving pallets around on the farm. When he would unload the pallet, my brother, sister, and I would jump up on the fork lift and he would raise it as high as it could go and then drop us then raise us up...better than any ride at the fairgrounds!! :) At 14, he was taking me to business meetings and always had me asking questions and excited for the future that was ahead of me. He was in research and development in agriculture and was absolutely brilliant. He invented a fly trap that is non-toxic and works...my Mom and I were rolling them yesterday by the horse pens to try and get some control of the summer flies and it was a sweet moment just to think of Papa and all the memories we made in the short 15 years I was alive and had the privelege of knowing him. Losing loved ones is the most painful thing on this earth. God designed us to desire relationships and although because of sin they are imperfect, there is still so much beauty and wonder in how no two people are alike and each person in your life brings a dimension to your life that no one else can. These relationships point us to the One who created us...God used losing my Papa to bring me to Himself. I am so incredibly grateful for that precious gift of eternal life. Though I wish a thousand times over Papa was back, God has a plan and a purpose in everything, and especially the most painful things in our lives. It is in those valley's that our eyes are looking to the heavens, eager to see what God is trying to show us. We feel our deepest need for our Savior in those valley's. Those moments when you feel you cannot take in another breath, He is there...
His word promises from Isaiah 40:
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
What glorious promises from above! Life is full of sorrow but also many wonderful joys. A sweet friend of mine prayed for me yesterday that, "Lord, sometimes the night is long and hard, but help Rachelle to remember that joy comes in the morning." The valleys are difficult. I can't tell you how many endorphins I produced from emotional cries yesterday. ;) Lots of M&M's flying around...but a Mom's shoulder to cry on, a hubby to remind me not to stress and know he's praying for me, friends asking how I'm doing at just the right time. I'm still in Colossians 1...this time God used verse 23,
"...if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister." I listened to my top "go to" worship songs by Sovereign Grace Ministries...Out of the Depths and Valley of Vision. Sitting on the couch, Bible on my lap, tears in my eyes, but heart and mind focused on the God who loves me. Who gave Himself for me. Who is carrying me through this long hard night. We always want out of our difficult circumstances, but when we persevere and "abide under" as He calls us to in James 1, He uses these trials to draw us closer to Himself and remind me, yet again, that HE is the ONLY One who can satisfy my soul. And yet He delights to pour out blessing upon blessing. My husband is just such an example of the "above and beyond kindnesses" of our Savior. I know I've said it before, but he is my priceless gift from above, for which I cannot praise and thank God enough!
Living with chronic illness poses many stresses on your relationship, not the least of which can be finances. Couple that with getting married at 20 and coming from upper middle-class American homes and going to a newly-married budget and our desires to have what we have always had and you get the recipe for spending every penny you got for the wedding and then some. But God. Those sweet, precious words. Though we have made many a mistake with finances, God always provides. He has shown us over and over that when you are obedient to Him and His word, He blesses that obedience. And even when you sin and make a mess of your finances He still gracioulsy provides in amazing ways!! Anyone that knows us well at all just laughs and shakes their head when vehicles come up. In almost 8 years of marriage, Jordan and I have had 13 vehicles...if I counted right. ;) We also had to do an addition on our home in Tucson to get AC, tile, no mold, etc for my lungs. Add to the fact we bought the house at the peak of the market and we are in the same boat as lots of people across the country. God ALWAYS provides though...He truly is Jehovah-Jireh! Although we have made lots of mistakes, and my health not only costs lots of money out of pocket every year, but being on medical disability to get health insurance means that I CAN'T work, even if I found something that could work around me getting sick. So, I add more bills to the relationship and I'm not able to get a "typical" job to help pay for said bills. Jordan has never shirked from his responsibility as a provider--there was one point that he had three jobs to help us make ends meet. That is one of his strongest characteristics: he is a hard worker and I know he will always do whatever it takes to provide for me. He is also very generous.
Many of you that know me well could probably name what my dream truck has always been. Yes, truck--country girl! :) When I was 13, my Mom asked me if I wanted to have the 1988 Pontiac Grand Am to drive when I turned 16. In all my "maturity", I got an attitude, and said, "But Mom, I want my F-350 to pull my 6 horse slant live-in quarters horse trailer to high school rodeos when I turn 16!!" Uh yeah. I drove the Pontiac...the paint had rusted, no AC, helped Dad replace the alternator, a family friend helped me put new AC in it, replaced the battery etc etc...lets just say I learned a lot about car engines driving that car! :) I've still been dreaming all these years and although my sweet hubby has always been a Chevy guy, my answer to the question, "if you could have any vehicle you wanted, what would it be" has always been an F-350. Through a series of events of "praying and going" and God closing (in my mind slamming!) doors we thought were open, we have three vehicles right now...working at a car dealership, Jordan is going to get to drive a vehicle home so we really only need one. He just traded in all three of our vehicles and got me my dream truck!!!!! He is on his way to pick me up at my parent's house and I am like a little kid...so excited and can't wait!!!!!! In the midst of this trial, there have been lots of blessings just like this one. You are down and hurting and miserable and God blesses you in different ways with just the right person, just the right verse, just the right song, at just the right time. In my case, He gave me "just the right man" when I needed him the most...and didn't even know it. August will be 10 years ago that Jordan and I met and I will eternally praise Jesus for giving me the man I call my husband...beyond blessed to have him walk this earthly sojourn with me. I love you honey!!!!!!!
Marrying the Man God Made Just for Me...
This picture is one of my favorites...you can
see just how very much he treasures me!!
Blessed Beyond Measure,
Rachelle :)
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