M&M is not a Candy...

     I coined a new term this morning...M&M is not a candy but a "Meltdown Moment".  :)  You could probably tell from yesterday's post that I am struggling...simply "tired and weary".  Prayers are greatly appreciated for me and for Jordan!  After melting down on Jord this morning, we talked for a little bit and through his leadership, being in the Word, calling a friend to pray with me, and the Spirit working in my heart I am able to recognize more easily what is at the root of everything.  First of all, it's approaching "that time of month" so emotions are generally harder to control in "normal" life mode, so throw in everything we have been through the last 7 1/2 weeks and its a recipe for emotional chaos...Jordan's attempts at making me laugh made me cry and thus ensued the, "Just hold me and let me cry!" meltdown. He has learned to do this through lots of practice in almost 8 years of marriage and I have finally learned a question that helps us both: I asked him to pray for me and the Spirit was gracious to bring peace to my heart and Jordan was able to leave for work with a much more pleasant wife kissing him goodbye.

     I got around to my morning treatments and was providentially in Colossians...I came to Colossians 1:24 and Paul was telling the Colossian believers that he is rejoicing in his sufferings.  Those words stopped me in my tracks, as I prayed to God, "But I DON'T want to rejoice...I'm miserable right now!"  For two days I had a glimpse of some sort of "normalcy" in my life...running my own errands, cooking a meal, hanging out with a friend at her house (and I drove myself there!), running to the dealership to see Jord...and this morning I was so incredibly exhausted and wiped out all I could do was cry.  I reflected on WHY I was so emotional and discovered that through every "valley" of PCD thus far, I have been able to, after a time of rest, slowly integrate my "wifely duties" back into my days with no issues...not so this time around.  Jordan and I started to slip back into "normal" mode over the weekend and I started crashing this morning and I had to ask for HIS help.  In my pride, I don't want to ask him to help...it's MY job to be his helper...not the other way around.  Our church has graciously and wonderfully served us for the last 7 1/2 weeks...pridefully I don't want to ask for any more help because it "exceeds Rachelle's helping limit...miraculously the help is cut off at 7 1/2 weeks."  Wrong.  God humbled me through His Word and the Shepherding of my heart through the Gospel...this poem is a result of my heart shepherding when I ran smack-dab into Colossians 1:24 this morning:

 To Shepherd my Heart
Colossians 1:24 "I now rejoice in my sufferings..."

Lord I hurt and my heart grows weary and tired,

I DON'T want to rejoice,

But alas, Your Spirit reminds me of the Gospel,

Your body bruised, beaten, weary, and worn,

Suffering in my place,

The place where if you judged MY sin,

In my place condemned I would be.

But what grace...

"There is therefore now no condemnation..."

"For I consider that the present sufferings are not

worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed..."

Lord, my heart and my soul cry out

with the creation for that Day...

That Day when because of YOU I will be free,

That Day when I will fall at your feet

And worship You for all of eternity,

Endlessly praising You for these days...

These days when I am so weak,

But, O Lord, You are so strong...

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places,

You have taken wordly things away,

But, O Lord, You are my inheritance...

You have given me Yourself!

What more do I need?

The answer is there...gently whispered to my soul...

Nothing...

Because in MY place condemned You stood.

You bore the stripes that I deserve,

Jesus, give me the strength to bear this trial,

This trial that YOU have promised,

Is for my good and Your glory!

O Lord, my heart's desire is to follow hard after You

To run the race You have called me to...

Bringing You honor and glory in ALL I do...

And yet You continually remind me,

That I simply CANNOT do it without YOU!

Rachelle Thomas

My heart desperately needed that verse this morning.  My reading plan said to read all of Colossians and Philemon...I didn't get past chapter one, but God answered my prayers and met me in His Word right where I needed Him the most.  Thank you Chris, Sarah, and Jamie for teaching us ladies faithfully through Wellspring (GBC's lady's Bible Study) that we are to "Shepherd our heart toward the Word of God so that we may know the God of the Word."  Those disciplines ARE sinking into this stubborn little heart of mine and bearing much fruit.  Christ's body is such a sweet place to be...to Him be the glory for the fruit the Spirit is bringing through our local body, as we all follow hard after Him, making much of Jesus and His Word!

In the Love of the Lamb,

Rachelle :)

                                          

                                 Jord and I at one of our favorite places to stay...

                                  The Junipine Resort in Oak Creek