After much prayer and the last 6 months of grief of losing my beloved Grandma, after the Memorial on Saturday I am going to deactivate this facebook profile for a season. If anyone wants to contact me I will wait until Sunday evening so if you don't have my cell phone etc/comment/pm me and I have started a small "friends/family" fb profile just to keep in touch with dear ones far away and those that genuinely want to support me in this grief journey.....I have learned a lot over the last year...this time last year we thought Grandma would be fine after surgery on September 20th.....it was not God's plan, but far better, He chose to answer a prayer of my heart since the day I met Jesus in July of 2000 after losing Papa.....He saved her and Papa and the glories they are experiencing, One Day, I will too! I'm remembering to focus on the HOPE instead of the despair and loss and helpless feeling, especially with the stress the grief has placed on my already weak body. I am down to 105 pounds from 147 six months ago.....2012 when Jenny got married was the last time I lost a large chunk of weight. We are in Pastoral counseling and God is getting us through as a couple.... Jordan has once again shown the incredible unfailing sacrificial love of Jesus....He has been His hands and His feet and His tender gentle way of loving me in spite of my sin and guilt and shame at my actions over the last six months. He is truly my greatest earthly treasure and God knew I needed him 17 years ago this month when we met at Funtasticks.....actually we met before that and he sat next to me playing the card game "Pond Scum" but I don't even remember his face lol.....God has woven an incredible love story to me through Jord....His longsuffering and patience are constantly on display in the man I am privileged to call my best beloved......I know his love for me is a large part of why Grandma was able to see Jesus when just about any other man would have walked away long ago with my health struggles.........all I can say is "To God be the glory, great things He hath done!" And Papa and Grandma? We are working at climbing this Mountain that feels like Mt Everest, but O the Joys you are experiencing free from the presence of sin and most of all the cancer that ripped you both from us far too soon from a human perspective.....as Joni says, "5 seconds of heaven will make up for all the struggles and suffering we experience here!"
Saturday from 3-6 at Aunt Dawn's we will celebrate the incredible grace of God to create Georgene Esther Kitterman and Roger Leroy Kitterman.....it goes back farther but they met when Grandma was 13 in the 1940's....a turbulent time for the world and Grandma said on March 10th, the morning after God saved her, "Oh honey, I tell people I forgave Papa long ago.....I just can't forget." It's no secret their marriage did not end well, but NOW? They are TOGETHER free from the sin that created their broken relationship and that family reunion? Well eternity is unimaginably glorious and I cannot wait for THAT DAY when Christ comes back or calls me home, but in the meantime? That same morning Grandma stared me down with the "Now Rachelle Ann, I'm gonna get my paint paddle out...you LISTEN TO ME: It will be a VERY LONG TIME....80 years until you join me!" Crying, I told her I didn't have control over the number of my days but every time I think a thought that is giving into despair and depression? I see those eyes that loved me unconditionally for 34 years and I cry hard, but then as Peter tells us: "Gird up your loins and strengthen your weak knees...."
Hebrews 12:1-3 has been my life verse for awhile: I'll run the race He has set before me, persevering by HIS grace alone, clinging to His unfailing mercy, love, and eternality in the face of much grief and physical suffering as PCD progresses but you know what?
God's got this and as Psalm 139 says? He KNOWS. He sees...He cares.....and He set His love on me before the foundation of the world!
Go read Ephesians 2!
The last picture says it all.....she sees my our Savior face to face....nothing left to say........but.....