Church is a "rock" in our schedule. Typically, every Sunday morning and Wednesday evening we have church and small group. Since the end of May, we have made it to one small group and I've made it to only one entire church service. I love worship, but when I have to pick between the worship time, announcements, and communion, or the sermon, we choose the sermon. Our hearts desperately NEED the preached Word to help us shepherd our hearts and to think rightly about our circumstances. And 99% of the time there is a worship song at the end of the service and then we get to fellowship and catch up with everybody and go out to lunch with friends and fellowship and "break bread" together. (We are going through the book of Acts right now and there were phenomenal messages on Acts 2:42 if you want to check them out at our church's website HERE under "sermons") With the internet there is a plethora of great messages to listen to...I've referenced multiple online sermons in past posts, but there is truly NOTHING like being with your church family, worshiping Jesus together, singing corporately, praying corporately, listening to the preached Word corporately, fellowshipping afterwards and spurring one another on (LOVED our conversation today Ash!) to love and good deeds as Hebrews calls us to...simply living life together (transparently!) and loving one another as Christ calls us to do. People that don't know Jesus or are trying to be "lone ranger" Christians (listen to the The 2010 Resolved messages on the importance of the Local Church) don't know or understand what a special blessing the local church body is. They are my Christian family. We sin against one another, and after all the church is full of people, and thus full of sin and problems and "baggage" that we all bring into the mix whether recently saved or the elderly believer that has been following Christ for 50 years. After all, we are all human and without Jesus, the human condition of being enslaved to sin is all we know. The bottom line and the bond that we all share at GBC is the bond of Christ, the forgiveness of sins, and therefore if we forgive as He forgave, we can build incredibly deep relationships centered in Christ. What grace from our amazing Savior! I can't tell you enough how incredibly thankful I am for GBC...I will spend an eternity worshiping our Savior for the blessings we have received through this local body. To Him be the glory! :)
And all that to say that we have missed being able to be there for the whole service the last ten weeks and missed being at small group and sharing life and one another's burdens. I have gotten very creative with "fellowship" so there has been skyping, texting, face book messages, this blog, email, phone calls etc. My heart has been shepherded well through this deep valley. As Jacob prayed for those suffering with chronic health issues during our corporate prayer time this morning (including me!) it seems like there are so many suffering physically in these temporary sin-cursed fleshly bodies. From chronic pain to diseases that flare up bad for brief periods of time, to cancer, to aging bodies that are simply growing older and feeling the effects of the curse more and more every day...there is much physical suffering represented in our relatively small body of 300 or so believers in the Valley. And yet this body that is weak physically in many ways, is taking the Gospel to the ends of the earth (Italy, Papua New Guinea, Spain, Phoenix, children, family, friends, co-workers, vacation spots, doctors, nurses, lab techs, radiology techs, etc etc) proclaiming Jesus Christ and Him crucified as the ONLY remedy for the human condition of sin and by His grace lives are being transformed as He regenerates hearts and grants new believers repentance. It is so awesome to have our New Member's and Baptism Sunday's (followed by food and fellowship of course!) and to be able to SEE and hear about the lives being transformed by His grace through His Word, or Omri being faithful to share the Gospel with his GED students, or Nikki's baptism testimony affecting another young girl's heart, or Brian and Dena being faithful to shepherd their adult children's hear to the gospel through difficult circumstances and God answering the plea of their hearts to save their children. Life is difficult. There are many burdens and uncertainties and questions and tears. But in CHRIST, it is finished...He WILL complete the work He began in me (and all of you who are saved!) and One Day my body will no longer hurt--I will have the energy to serve others that I long to. Right now God is calling me to rest in more ways than one and there are moments when I am content and there are moments when I am angry and fighting Him tooth and nail for the life I WANT to live but can't at the moment. It is what I DO with my thoughts and my heart in those moments that count and that is the battle of every believer's life. Do I humbly go before the Lord, confess my sin, ask for forgiveness, receive total forgiveness and by His grace and in His strength go forward with life or do I hold on to that sin, let my thoughts spin out of control, sin more, become bitter and have that self-pity party or the "why me?" party and have a miserable day because I don't want to get out of that sinful pattern because my flesh enjoys it and it's easier to not fight the battle? Too often I give up the battle but that is where the believer's God has placed in my life (the first of which is my precious hubby!) come alongside me when my heart is battle weary and help me shepherd my heart...carry me if they must, "talk me down off the ledge" as Jacob put it yesterday. God has gifted Jordan in shepherding my heart to what is TRUE and I am so thankful for that! Truth be told--we can't "go it alone" no matter how hard we try. You will burn out and crash and it will not be pretty--so humble yourself and ask for help, ESPECIALLY when you don't want to--God is growing me in this every day, sometimes moment by moment, but as I humbly receive His help through His people, I am blessing them by allowing them to serve and bless me and Jordan. After all, we all know "It is more blessed to give than to receive" but if no one is willing to receive, no one can give. Think about that the next time your pride makes you want to refuse help you know deep down you really need.
That is probably my biggest prayer request right now. That I would recognize my emotions and know that they are real, but that I would deal with them in a biblical way and ask for prayer when I need it and have my "fighter verses" ready when I am tempted or the emotions rule me...but that I would also known when I just need to cry and cry it all out and tell Jordan to just hold me, let me cry, and pray for me.
Thanks for checking in, reading, and praying for us. God has been answering lots of prayer and as we continue to take one step at a time, I will do my best to keep you posted. The first round of gallbladder tests and extensive GI labs came back normal. On the one hand that is a praise, but on the other, it means we are on to the next set of tests, without an answer in sight--and THAT is what is hardest for my heart as it seems to be the story of my life...I can't tell you how many times I have gone through a battery of tests just to hear, "Well everything looks great--all the tests and levels are normal so you shouldn't be having any issues." That doesn't change the fact that I am still in debilitating pain on a daily basis...at times you begin to wonder if it's "all in your head." I want the quick easy fix and to get on with life, but God is calling me to be patient, depend on Him and trust that His ways are higher than mine...
Learning to Trust Him More!
Rachelle :)
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