Lemons and Blueberries you may be wondering....let's just say we had dinner with my sweet friend Meridith and her new hubby, Seth on Tuesday night. We had to scratch the plans to use our Fleming's gift card we've had for two years because I was in debilitating pain and couldn't sit up so we got Pei Wei instead and went back to their condo so I could lay on the couch and be somewhat comfortable. We were talking about how I am learning the balance of how to answer the question "How are you feeling?" Some people ask expecting nothing more than "Hanging in there" while others want all the details. And of course how to shepherd my heart when I get the, "Well you LOOK great" comment as a response to whatever I tell them. Jordan started laughing and said he had the perfect analogy: "You're like a used car...when I married you, you looked healthy, but as soon as we got married, your alternator went out, you needed a new battery, you threw a rod...." He couldn't finish because we were dying laughing...I responded with, "You SERIOUSLY just compared me to a used car???" :) Seth piped in with, "You're a lemon! Did you know there is a "Lemon Law" in Texas? Basically, if you buy a used car you have 30 days to take it back and tell them it's a lemon." To which Jordan replied, "I think 7 years is the 'marriage lemon law', I've got three months to bail!" Talk about PCD humor. ;) There are times when if you don't crack jokes and just laugh you will be depressed or go crazy or any combination thereof. I'm telling you, God doesn't make any mistakes when He brings you together with your spouse...Jordan LOVES to make people laugh...and he knows me so well that (most of the time!) he can get me from sobbing to laughing in two seconds. So where does the blueberry fall into the mix? Jordan doesn't like to spend money on clothes so he had two dress shirts (until Uncle Mike went through his closet and literally outfitted him for the next two years!!!! Such a sweet gift and perfect timing!) and one of them is blue and he likes it better than his red one. We were looking at Seth and Meri's wedding and reception pictures. They had a small ceremony in Sedona and then a big reception a few weeks later after their honeymoon. Jordan wore the same blue shirt to both. Jordan was giving us his infamous "running commentary" on the pictures and referred to himself as "the big blueberry." So it was a "fruity" kind of night with the Garrison's. ;)
Although I was in pain most of the time and we didn't stay late, it was fun to get out of the house and lay on their couch and laugh and joke and have a good time--especially considering the fact that Meri is one of my closest friends. She is in nursing school right now which I am super excited about. It's the perfect job for her--she loves Jesus and loves other people immensely and has a servant's heart. In a way, God is giving me another "personal nurse" that I can call at the drop of a hat and I know she will be there in a second if she is able. She met me at the ER when I coughed up blood on what seems that long ago June day that started this whole mess when Jordan couldn't get off of work and my family was 100 miles away in Tucson. Jordan is like her big brother--their families met at church in Tucson when she was 7 and he was 14. I was blessed to "marry" into the friendship almost 8 years ago. We have helped each other walk through some deep valleys and our friendship is one that is a Christ-centered deep friendship--I can't count how many times we have called each other in tears, "Please pray for me...my heart is struggling with...." Meri is one of those special friends that although life may get busy and we may not see each other for a couple months or talk on the phone much in between, but we are always able to pick back up right where we left off and I know she is praying for me regularly and I am privileged to do the same for her. I've given her lots of opportunities to practice her nursing skills, even before she knew she wanted to be a nurse! :) When I had one of my wrist surgeries before we moved to Phoenix, she came to Tucson when she was in high school (she was home schooled so she had the freedom to do that!) and she stayed with me for several days while I was recovering and cooked and cleaned and freed up my family and church to serve us in other ways. :) I know you know how much I treasure our friendship and I'm so incredibly grateful it's an eternal one and we can continue to encourage and exhort one another until that Day when Christ comes back or takes us home, where we will worship the Savior together forever! Love you much my sweet friend!
Meri helping me recuperate :)
Meris' wedding! She was able to wear my dress! :)
(With a few alterations since she's just *a tad*
taller than me lol) :)
Meri is one of those friends that understands all the medical lingo that comes with the territory of PCD. Some people with PCD (or other health issues for that matter!) don't like to talk about their health much, while others (like me!) are ready and willing to share anything and everything, and still others are some sort of combination in between those two extremes. I was talking to Jamie, who drove me to my appointment this morning about how God is growing me in being discerning with who I tell what and when. Being discerning and recognizing how to answer honestly without all the details can be challenging for me for multiple reasons.
1) I come from a family with a heavy nursing background. Both of my Aunt's are nurses and have been for as long as I can remember and my Mom was a semester away from getting her LPN (entry level nursing) when she found out she was pregnant with my sister (so glad we got you instead of another nurse Jen!!!) Before I quit school so I could work enough hours at Bank of America to get health insurance and Jordan and I could get married, I was accepted into the college of Nursing at the University of Arizona and have two years of college under my belt which included all those "weed out the pre-med students" science classes. My first Biology test was the first time I got a D in pretty much anything...was thankful for that bell-shaped curve! Living with a chronic illness on top of that body of knowledge makes me as comfortable with "medical lingo" as I am with any other "normal" topic of conversation. I forget that people don't know what Situs Inversus (organs on opposite side of the body), Tympanomastoidectomies (reconstructive ear surgery that removes part of the mastoid bone..I've had one on each ear), myocardial infarction (heart attack), hypertonic saline (saltier than body fluid), isotonic saline (same saltiness as body fluid), heparin (blood thinner and used with my home IV's to prevent my port-a-cath from clotting), etc etc means in layman's terms. When I talk to someone new about PCD I usually end up asking them if they have any medical background because then I know if I need to bring the Ciliary function down to "stair stepper vs. washing machine" or if I can talk more "scientifically".
2) I am passionate about life in general and Jesus, PCD, and all the little details that God orchestrates every day to provide His loving care for me in particular. Anyone who has known me for any length of time will notice how fast I talk. When I get excited I talk even faster...throw medical lingo in there and I can't count how many times even Jordan and my family has had to interrupt me with, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down and start over...I didn't understand one word you just said." I'll slow down but as I talk about how God provided this awesome doctor, or an unexpected check in the mail from a friend to help with medical expenses, or how He provided a ride to the doctor in the nick of time and on a morning when I never would have been able to make it myself or any other combination of "amazing " Providences of God I love to share...like those moments when I am wondering how I'm ever going to get through the day and I'm emotional and struggling to take my thoughts captive and someone sends me a text or an email with a verse or telling me they are praying for me, I get excited and slowly speed right back up. :)
3) Living with an "invisible illness" can be very difficult and my fear of man and pride gets the best of me and I feel like I have to explain or justify why I'm exhausted and can barely move right now but two hours ago I was able to go on a walk with Jordan and make him breakfast. This is an every day battle right now and at times an intense minute by minute battle. As I learn to manage my "new normal" I will appear to "be getting better" but the reality is that I'm learning to say no to going out to lunch or making dinner or finishing putting away that load of laundry or cleaning the bathroom in sections and resting when I need to rest. As we delve deeper into the GI and Thyroid issues and more invasive tests are needed (like the probable Endoscopy and possible Colonscopy) or the Gallbladder function test or the Thyroid uptake scan it all places stress on my body and that is just the beginning of figuring out what's going on. Not to mention staying on top of my ear, sinus, and lung infections that are ever present and lurking in the background ready to strike if I'm "compromised" in any way.
All that to say, it's a constant juggling act and right now no two hours are alike. One hour I will have energy to drive to see Jordan for an hour at the dealership and then all of a sudden I have debilitating pain and have to "wait it out" on a couch in the back room. Other times I can "do something" for three or four hours until I'm just plain tired. If you don't know me well, you would never know if I'm in severe pain and have zero energy because by His grace, you get the same smile, enthusiasm, and passion for life that you get if I'm "up to baseline." I'll ask questions to learn about you and your family or your desire to be married or your struggle with sin or the difficult times you are going through. My deepest hearts desire is to demonstrate to you that I care about YOU and your soul...number one that you are right with God through Jesus Christ (but I'm learning not to "beat the dead horse" so to speak if you are not interested although you can bet your bottom dollar you will be on my prayer list and prayed for regularly!!) and number two that you walk away from whatever interaction we may have--whether it was saying hello to a cashier in the grocery store and REALLY listening when I asked how his/her day was or talking to one of the sales guys at the dealership, or the lady who drew my blood, or the Medical Assistant who takes my blood pressure and asks "What are you in for today?" or the receptionist who is obviously having a bad day--knowing that I truly care about who you are and that there IS somebody in this world who cares about you! I just finished listening to another phenomenal Resolved message by Al Mohler called, Prove it: Knowing and Doing God's Will" from 2011. He talks about how if you really break it down, there is surprisingly little left to the imagination when it comes to "finding God's will for your life." He has given us His Word as revealed through the Bible and although it doesn't tell us specifically who to marry or what job to have the Bible DOES tell us what kind of person we are to marry and that no matter what we do we are to be obedient to Him, serve in His church, live out the "one anothers" and do it ALL for His glory. As a Christian, every one of us was born with a special unique purpose for His Kingdom work that ONLY we can fulfill in this point in time in redemptive history. WOW. Talk about being encouraged through my suffering. It's not easy. Some days are harder than others--but His plans and purposes for my life will prevail...and THAT is all that matters. :)
All the Glory to Him!
Rachelle :)
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