Just Be Held

     If you listen to Christian Radio at all you have probably heard Casting Crowns' latest song, "Just Be Held".  This song embodies the week I had.  Our family friend did pass away last week and his celebration of life was this Saturday.  On Thursday, I awoke to find out that one of my PCD friends passed away suddenly.  And on the way to the celebration of life Saturday, I found out another family member passed away and services are this Wednesday.  Jordan has been sick with one of those colds that is going around so I went to church by myself today.  I got in the car this morning and as soon as I got in, "Just Be Held" came on and I just started crying.  Here are the lyrics:

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There's freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm

You'll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted

In time, you'll understand

I'm painting beauty with the ashes

Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes

In the storm is where you'll find Me

And where you are, I'll hold your heart

I'll hold your heart

Come to Me, find your rest

In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

(Stop holding on and just be held)

Just be held, just be held

Just be held, just be held

     It's times like today when I was weary and at the end of my rope that I needed to be reminded that God is there and "underneath are the everlasting arms."  He calls me to "Come unto Me all you who labor and are heavy-laden and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30  In the midst of the chaos of life it can be so easy to forget these truths.  I can go into automatic mode and "fixer" mode and run myself ragged trying to help everyone and be strong for family and friends until I break.  Then God brings me to the end of myself and reminds me that I cannot do anything on my own apart from Him or others--we are not designed to function in isolation, but to be in relationship--first and foremost with God through Jesus Christ--and secondly with all those He places in our lives.  Relationships make up life and when we lose people we love or people around us lose people they love our heart aches...aches for a Day when there will be no more pain or sorrow or suffering.  Where death will be swallowed up in victory finally and forever!  My heart cries out for Jesus to come quickly, yet knowing that His plans will prevail and He still has me on this earth for a plan and a purpose.  I feel my purpose right now is to honor those loved ones that were lost this week.  

     Tonight I'll share about my PCD pal Jorgen Ekstrom.  He was from Sweden (the O's in his name have two little dots above them but I don't know how to type those!) and in his 50's.  We never met in person, but in the age of social media and through our PCD facebook page we got to know each other quite well.  Like me, he also loved the outdoors, animals, and he loved to write.  His excitement was infectious....he always joked about "This is the silly swede again" as he wrote stories about two turtles named Colin and Cecelia that he created after another fellow PCD Pal coined the phrase "Turtle Days" for those days when PCD hits us hard and we simply crash and have to move slow.  The last picture he commented on that I shared was of Hunter trying out my vest because "he wanted to shake like Aunt Shel".  Jorgen thought it was so funny.

  He read a large part of my blog and my poetry and left encouraging comments on a number of posts.  Those comments will be forever treasured now.  On my post about Buddy and Me he wrote: "OHHHHHH!  Even though we always had dogs.  I sailed a lot.  I almost started to cry--reading this.  I truly understand that I have missed something!  You and Buddy at full speed or just lying on his back looking at the stars.  So blessed!"  After this, we talked about animals and he shared a story of how he used to swim in the sea with harbor seals:  "Good Morning America - again...I had a relative good period in my life - between 25 and 29 years. And I used to take our motorboat out. Then out to the harbor seals - colonies. Jump into the sea and swim around and with these so cute guys. Especially the "pups" wondered what "crazy" creature I was. Dressed head to toe in a wetsuit - I could be in the saltwater for hours that we have here on the Westcoast. Which of course was could for my heatlth!

To be one yard from a pups beautiful and curious eyes. Boy! I was so so so HAPPY! and amazed. Their eyes - so fabulous. Those were magic days.  I wish everybody in this beautiful group a wonderful - Wednesday. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!  Warm Greetings From - Gothenburg - Sweden."

The picture he had with the above story...so cute!    

     I think it's fitting to close with one of his stories about Colin and Cecelia--the turtles that he brought to life and whose stories brought smiles to all of us in the group.  The hard part about knowing someone only through social media is that they are just suddenly gone--no more posts or messages or interaction and no real closure.  His memory will live on through all of us as we share stories of how he encouraged us and most of all made us laugh when life with PCD was hard.  

    Hello again America! I hope you all feel as good as you can. I have had a very though day. But managed to get out anyway. Winter approaches here in Sweden. It´s 40 F and soon below 32 during the night. Dark and cold all the time. The sun will almost never go up. And everyone gets a cold. Not a good place for us swedish PCDers. When I was young I loved to ski in the winter. But now winter is just very annoying!

But now my day with Colin and Cecilia.

This morning Colin snuggled up into my bed and said to me:" Jörgen I want to go to the playground today. And go down the slide!" He absolutely loves it! The first time I told him that he might hurt himself. But he persisted! He laughed so wonderful as a child. And I had to pick him up again and again! "One more time." he said all the time.

I think he wanted to impress Cecilia today. For it is a steep slide. And then I heard Cecilia say:" Jörgen it is time to go and weigh yourself. And can you imagine I had lost 4! more pounds. (True). Cecilia was very happy and smiled sweetly to me and said:" You are really good and I am proud of you!" I lifted her up and gave her a kiss right on her cute nose!

So an hour later we were ready. It´s only a 100 yards to the playground. Colin looked at his beloved Cecilia and said:" Look, now you shall see how bold I am sweetheart." I lifted him up and put him at the top of the slide and gave little nudge. It does not makes sense when a turtle goes down a slide. It looks like a small saucer going down uncontrollably. Colin went down like a rocket and flew up in the air and landed in the soft sand on his back. 
I quickly went and turned him right - stomach down. Colin then looked at Cecilia and said:" Do you dare to ride with me, Cecilia?" He did not think she would dare. You don´t know you´re future wife I thought. She simply replied:" Sure Colin - let´s rock n roll!" He looked surprised. So I lifted them both up at the top of the slide. They looked so cute - side by side. I just hoped they would not land on each other. I gave them a little push. And down they went screaming of happiness all the way. This time they both landed on their stomachs. Cecilia laughed loudly and said:" Come on darling, let´s go down again!"

Well after 30 times I looked at them and said:" Sorry you two lovebirds. I cannot lift you up anymore. I am tired and hungry. Let´s go home. They looked at each other and nodded. Cecilia said:" Thank you Jörgen. I have had so much fun. You will get a really nice lunch. You deserve it."

I smiled happily at them both. And we went home. And I did get a very good lunch. That´s all for today dear readers. It´s 1:12 AM! Time to sleep!
So good night America. God bless everyone in this group and your loved ones. Thank you for existing(that sounds better in swedish smile emoticon What I mean is without you my life would be much harder. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Blessings from the Silly&Crazy Swedish Member - Jörgen.

     We love and miss you Jorgen!  

Resting in His Everlasting Arms,

Rachelle