I awoke to this update from my dear friends:
Just a quick update at the end of an unexpected and difficult day. Early this morning, Matt began having stroke-like symptoms (leaning to the left while walking, difficulty speaking, pressure in the back of his head, etc.) which prompted us to get him to the ER. Once there, a CT scan revealed bleeding on the right frontal lobe of his brain which was putting intense pressure on the motor strip. Over the next 8 hours, Matt lost nearly all movement on the left side of his body. He went into surgery around 2:00pm where the neurosurgeon drained as much of the bleeding as he could. Matt is stable in the ICU, but still without any function on the left side of his body. Time will tell if this is a long-term effect.
What this means for the road ahead of him is not yet determined, although we know we are now dealing with a stroke and stage IV lung cancer. Before he lost the ability to speak very clearly, Matt just kept saying that he loved me and that he was in no way or degree scared about what was happening--only sad for me.
Today was a hard day. Before today, Matt and I were actively and jointly fighting this battle side-by-side and now we are still fighting together, but he is fighting his battle much more quietly now and my roles in this fight have shifted. Watching him lose function both physically and cognitively throughout the day was possibly one of the most difficult things I have witnessed. I kept telling him that I was okay; that I was happy and he needed to know that. And I meant every word of it every time. If this is where God has me, then it is a good place to be and I am happy to be there even while it is also a sorrowful place.
In the next few days, we'll watch and pray for no re-bleeding in his brain, we'll pray that his treatment for the cancer would not be delayed by this stroke, that movement might return to the left side of his body. Pray for our kids who will no doubt try to process this the best way they know how and for those who are with them to love them well while we're in the hospital. And pray that God's glory might still be declared in us, though it might not be expressed through Matt in words for a time.
We look forward to the day when our tongues will be loosed from every shackle to sing the praises of our God with uninterrupted and inexhaustible energy. When we will behold our Savior and no longer have any desire to wonder why His plans are so different from ours with its suffering, and to wonder instead at His immeasurable sacrifice for our sins, to marvel and worship at his suffering for us. Until that day comes, though, we will fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Words failed me this morning as I sat sobbing reading this update, but God in His great love reminded me of these precious promises in Romans 8:23-39:
And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Our Victory in Christ
26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the [j]saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that [k]God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He alsojustified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 33 Who will bring a charge againstGod’s elect? God is the one who justifies; 34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was [l]raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of[m]Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, orperil, or sword? 36 Just as it is written,
“For Your sake we are being put to death all day long;
We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, northings present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
When words fail us, God promises that the Spirit will pray for us in our weakness according to the will of God. When we don't know how to pray, He is there. When we don't know what to say or do we can cling to these promises and this victory that is ours in Christ Jesus--NOTHING can separate us from His great love! It is heartbreaking for me to read this update as Jord and I know firsthand how difficult it is to watch someone you love suffer so much. Unless God chooses otherwise and does a miracle, Matt is headed towards the glories of heaven and seeing Jesus face to face--what a wondrous Day that will be!!! I rejoice for him as I know Cameron does but my heart breaks for her and their four sweet kids. Please lift them up minute by minute as they navigate yet another sudden change of plans.
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~
In His Mighty Grip,
Rachelle
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