Life that happened this week: Our PCD family lost a member to complications from lung transplant yesterday. Barbie received a second lease on life last April and for 8 of the last 10 months, she got to breathe easy and have lungs that weren't affected by PCD. One of my closer friends in the PCD group, Rebecca, was really close with her. This hits extra close to home as Rebecca is on the transplant waiting list for her 2nd chance at life without PCD lungs. Transplant in and of itself is terrifying and then to watch someone you love die due to complications from the life saving surgery is a hard pill to swallow. Anytime we lose someone in our little family, we grieve, we get angry, we have questions and doubts, and we all wonder "Is that going to be me?" How old was she? How soon did she get diagnosed? What was the severity of her PCD? All these and a million other questions, on top of the normal grief of losing a friend. She's the second PCD pal to die in a matter of months. Another PCD pal was desensitized to an antibiotic and then it backfired and she ended up in septic shock (infection in her entire body) and almost died several weeks ago. Another close friend is literally fighting for her life on 6 different IV antibiotics to combat two nasty bugs that are super antibiotic resistant--if this doesn't work she is out of options. The stark reality of PCD hits Jord and I hard some days...this life is difficult and full of sorrow and suffering and tomorrow is promised to no one. If my vision stayed there, I would quickly spiral into a disastrous mess of emotions...BUT GOD...those two words are so incredibly precious. We were dead in our transgressions and sin...But God who is rich in mercy...my eyes MUST come off of the circumstances and storms raging around me and be lifted up to the One who holds the stars and is holding me--and all my PCD pals so very close today. I don't know how I would survive this thing called PCD without the hope Jesus gives me! I wouldn't be here if it were not for Jesus protecting me through my first psychosis that was from complications related to treating a fungal infection in my lungs.
I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt...the memory is so vibrantly implanted in my brain...I was sleeping with my Mom because Jordan was starting a new job and I couldn't be left alone. I remember waking up from a fitful sleep and knowing that my Dad's guns were at the corner of the bed. Everything in me wanted to pick them up and start shooting--but there was a voice screaming in my head repeatedly, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! There is no other way to explain it than a supernatural restraint literally keeping me from doing what every fiber in my being wanted to do. I firmly believe that was the Holy Spirit protecting me from doing something horrifying. The next morning, I shared that with my family, who shared that with my psychiatrist, who immediately changed one of my medications (it was an anti-depressant and if you get the wrong one it can make suicidal stuff way worse), and I continued to get better and come out of the first psychosis. (You can read the whole story in the link on the left hand side of the blog under "Psychosis defined")
The point is, PCD varies in each individual and everyone of us brings our own set of genes and other family complications to the table. Some people have no problems having kids--some of us have had to do IVF and some of us have chosen not to have kids so that the focus can be on keeping ourselves as healthy as possible. Some of us have multiple diseases on top of PCD that make things even more interesting and many of us have allergies to and complications to treatment. Our bodies are extra fragile because of all the constant stress they are under and as the disease progresses, it only gets harder to treat. BUT GOD--but there is hope because of Jesus! One Day I will have a heavenly body that works perfectly because of His work on the cross! I will be able to breathe easy and never run out of energy! More importantly, I won't have to deal with sin anymore!!! O what glorious Days await those of us who have placed our faith and trust in Jesus!!!!!
Something that was awesome that happened over the weekend was that my blog helped someone in a very real way! A friend of a friend of a friend posted that she had taken prednisone and couldn't sleep and was scared...the friend of a friend remembered reading my blog post about psychosis and we all ended up getting in touch and helping the girl who needed help, get the RIGHT help in time, so that she didn't have to experience the extent of what I went through. It's so incredible to see such wonderful direct fruit from sharing my life with others--not only on the blog but to know that God really IS using my experiences in life to help others--it's simply amazing!!!! There have been so many times where it has been so difficult to reconcile Psychosis with what I thought life should look like because it truly changed me in so many ways--physically and mentally. I'm still on sleep meds and may have to be on them for the rest of my life. I would like to get off of them eventually, but I've learned to be content and come to terms that it really is OK to be on psych meds...even with the stigma in our culture, and especially some of the Christian circles. Medicine is NOT the answer to our pain or suffering--Jesus is--but He has given us medication to help us and used correctly, can be a very good tool.
The more connected you are to people in this world, the more suffering and sorrow you will see. This planet is under the curse of sin and groans with us for That Day when Jesus will make everything right. Although there is much suffering, there is also much to be thankful for and there are so many beautiful things to see and do and be a part of in this journey called life! First and foremost, Jesus died on the cross and absorbed God's wrath in my place and yours so that we might spend eternity in heaven free from sin! Secondly, he's given me an incredible husband that loves me and treasures me the way Christ does the church. Thirdly, he's given me an amazing family and friends that pray for me, love me, encourage me, and help me through the dark days and celebrate the good days. Although God has not give me my own children, He has placed so many precious little lives around me that I get to pour into and love on and be a "Spiritual Mom" to....and when I'm sick or tired, I can give them back and I don't have any of the bills--really is the best of both worlds!!!! My horse, my dogs, the home we live in, the job God has provided for Jord, health insurance--the list can just keep going! If you are struggling with depression start your own "I am thankful for" list today...get up, get out of bed, get dressed, and as Joni Earekson Tada says, "Find someone who is worse off than you and go serve them."
For a mini health update--the Cipro is working to fight the infection, but I'm also having an allergic reaction to it. Not the psychosis, thankfully, but itching from the inside out. I'm now on two different 24 hour allergy medications to counteract that effect, to hopefully enable me to finish the course of Cipro at HOME. Thanks for praying for that!
I hope you will join me in counting your blessings today my friends! Life is hard and difficult things will happen and surround us, but even in the darkest of times, there is HOPE, and there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in EVERYTHING give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18~
In the Love of the Lamb,
Rachelle
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| How I rolled to appointments and grocery shopping yesterday! If you have to wear a mask, it might as well be cute! :) |
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| Puppies begging for attention! |
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| Roxy decided "Waddles jr" needed some extra "loving"...she is bored and needs some exercise! |
