The plan is to admit me to the ICU where they will desensitize me (think allergy shots to get your body used to allergens, but with a medication--they start with a super low dose and then up the dose every 15 minutes over the course of several hours until you receive the full dose of the antibiotic, hopefully successfully tricking your immune system into thinking you are not allergic to it!) to one antibiotic (Cefepime) and start a second one, IV Colistin. They typically don't like to use IV Colistin because it has nasty side effects--I have to be on 24 hour round the clock saline drip because it's really hard on your kidneys and there is also numbness/tingling that can happen. Last year, it made my lips tingle and the tips of my fingers while I was getting it and super dizzy to the point where I had to lay completely still through each dose, but that did let up. I was only on it for 8 days last year but will be on BOTH medications for the duration of this stay. Around day 12-14 we will hopefully get my sinus surgery done and then I will likely stay in the hospital for a week following the surgery to support my lungs with the IV antibiotics.
I'm armed with several great audiobooks (some new and some that I can listen to again and again!), an echo dot that reads my books and my Bible to me thanks to my cousin for my birthday! It also does a million other fun things through voice commands like tell me jokes or what the weather is. It's quite a fun little thing to play with! Jord wasn't too enthused with it, but I absolutely love it and I'm sure there will be fun had with Alexa (that's her name). Waddles, Waddles Jr., Snuffy, and probably a few other stuffed animals will make their way to the hospital with me so look out for some fun Waddles pictures!
Please send me prayer requests! I'd love to pray for you and will have lots of time to fill! :) I've also got some video projects I'm working on and I'll be writing updates here so I'll definitely be keeping busy.
It's also going to be hard. I know that. We've been here before and God's grace and peace are steadying my heart tonight, but as I allow myself to think about being apart from Jord for the next 21 days, enduring all the physical pain and suffering that I know is coming, and just the emotions and the things I'm going to miss like a horse clinic I really wanted to go to (Buck Brannaman for you horse people! Hunter is SO excited to get to meet Buck and I'll miss those moments) and Landon and Asher's birthday party (Landon will be 4 and Asher will be 2 in April) and just other life moments like not being able to go to church or Bible study--but I can't focus on or think about those things because those things are not God's will for me--UMC is my home for the next 21 days (Lord willing) and there could be complications because desensitization is not an easy thing on your body. I'm thankful to have a wonderful doctor that wants to be there and wants all hands on deck on a Monday morning instead of having it happen over the weekend when the hospital turns into a ghost town. A fellow PCD sister had a desensitization backfire and she went into septic shock and almost died about a month ago--so I'm not going into this with rose colored glasses, but at the same time I have to trust that God is ultimately in control. This is His plan for March and April of 2017 for me--and for Jordan--and I need to lean on Him and His strength and His courage as the Holy Spirit indwells me and gives me grace for each moment when it comes--not for my imaginations or worries, but if something DOES go wrong medically, I can trust that it came through Jesus before it ever got to me and that He will give us the strength, courage, and grace to endure whatever it may be. He is faithful and He will not lead us where His grace will not sustain us. THESE are the truths and promises I MUST shepherd my heart with and cling to--it's the only way I will survive in once piece.
Recently, both my brother who is a firefighter and my Uncle Mike who I would describe as a "man's man" on two separate occasions told me that I was the strongest person they knew. I told them that I am really weak and that Jesus is my strength and I thought of 2 Corinthians 12:7-10:
"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me-to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
If you see any strength and courage in me during my trials--it is Jesus shining in me and empowering me to get through each moment. It's His grace that I lean on and find to be all the stronger the weaker I get and in those moments when I think I can't breathe any deeper or push any harder or take one more step...He brings a verse to mind or a friend calls and prays for me or sends the "perfect" text at just the right moment, or someone shows up to surprise me at the hospital. I could not do this without Jesus or without YOU. I know there are SO many people praying for me and that is THE best thing you can do for me because God knows exactly what I need at all times! The practical help for Jord, the visits, the phone calls, the texts, all of you God uses in so many different ways to encourage me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard the battle gets, because if God is for me, who can be against me? Romans 8:32
So goodnight my friends, I will "see" you all a bit more frequently on my blog as I will do regular updates here so that I don't have to tell the same update 50 times. :) Have a great week!
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