Running With Hope (Hebrews 12:1-3): BAHA Update and Musings About Suffering

So over the weekend, if you couldn't tell from my emails, facebook posts, and blog, I was not feeling well, exhausted, frustrated, and desperately looking for a doctor that would help and at times was in a desperate state of mind. I imagine I felt like the woman who bled for 12 years felt when she heard of Jesus and scripture notes that "she had spent all her savings on a multitude of doctors and they had only taken her money and made her worse." Jesus could have just healed her physical affliction privately but He stops the crowd when "He felt power go out from Him and asks, 'Who touched Me?'" He knew who touched Him as He was omniscient, but He wanted her to come forward and not only heal her physically, but by new faith in Him, heal her sin cursed soul--and all at no cost to her, but great cost to Himself. There is a lot more there we can meditate on, but I can understand her desperation to be healed--her desire to be able to participate in activities that she couldn't because of her unclean affliction--a feeling I know and often have to battle when I know what I SHOULD do for my health, but what I WANT to do is vastly different, and often times I lose that fleshly battle until God gets my attention in a big way again.

In my research on Saturday night, I found an otoneurologist in Phoenix and asked for prayer that he would take my insurance and was accepting new patients. It turns out he accepts new patients and as I talked with his nurse, I was almost in tears hearing about how he incorporates nutrition and supplements into his practice--something that not all doctors are specifically open to, and some are adamantly opposed to. I quickly scheduled an appointment for the first available even though I found out at the end of the call that he doesn't take insurance period and charges $360/hr and the first appointment is two hours long. I was so desperate and emotional that I was blind to the unfortunate fact of the matter--that's a LOT of money for one doctor and with other financial obligations we have right now, we really don't have the money.

On the upside, my new ENT in Tucson got me in right away yesterday morning, and although it was definitely not the way I wanted to spend my birthday, I got the antibiotics I needed and he said I do need to find either an otologist or otoneurologist to manage the BAHA in the future. I cancelled the appointment I had made with the guy in Phoenix for now, and started looking online for doctors in Tucson and quickly became excited as I found a doctor in Tucson that looked like he would fit the bill...only to find out that he doesn't take my insurance.

These are the days I have to remind myself over and over again that God is sovereign--He is good, wise, and merciful and because of His death on the cross, my suffering is not in vain. He knows which doctors I need to see and will provide the way to see them.

The swelling is going down around the BAHA so hopefully I will be able to wear my hearing aide again soon. I am super tired, but resting lots and in my resting today I found some AMAZING videos on Youtube done by Joni Earickson Tada...she became a quadriplegic at 17 right after she graduated high school and had her bags packed to go to college and become a physical therapist. She joked with Larry King on Larry King Live, "I ended up on the wrong end of that one!" 47 years later, she is an amazing testimony of the grace of Jesus Christ in the midst of severe, chronic suffering. Not only has she endured the quadriplegia, but about 15 years ago she started having severe chronic pain, and about 4 years ago she was diagnosed with stage 3 Breast Cancer.

Here is an incredible message that tells her story of finding freedom in Jesus at a 2014 National Women's conference:

A Different Kind of Freedom

It's 45 minutes long, but well worth the time to listen and weep with her and rejoice with her as you see the beautiful picture of grace and beauty Jesus has created over the last 47 years of saying "No" to a physical healing. I hope you will take the time to listen.

She referred to 1 Peter 2:21 multiple times: "For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps..." If our Savior suffered and died for us on the cross and was obedient to that, we are not above our Master...we too can be obedient in the midst of great suffering. She also talked about how her and her husband of over 30 years, Ken, were on the way home from a chemo treatment one day and talking about how suffering was like splashes of hell. They then pondered on what splashes of heaven looked like--were they the "happy go lucky, everything is awesome" moments in life? They realized that the splashes of heaven were the great closeness to Jesus you feel in the midst of those splashes of hell. What an amazing imagery of how Jesus rescued us out of hell at great cost to Him--He bore the eternal wrath of God in your place and offers His righteousness as a free gift if you recognize your sin, repent and turn from it, and trust Jesus with your life. I cannot wait to spend eternity alongside believers that have been refined in the fiery furnaces of this life, who have glorified hearts that will perfectly worship Jesus with me together forever---Oh Jesus come quickly!!!!

In His Mighty Grip,

Rachelle

Here are a few pictures from my birthday---it definitely wasn't the fun horseback rides I had planned, but my sweet friends and family took me to the doctor and brought dinner to me and loved me and encouraged me--although there were lots of tears, there were lots of smile and precious memories made as well!