Health Update

     I've been thinking about the subtitle of my blog..."living with a chronic illness from a Christian perspective" and I have been meaning to update everyone, but honestly the last 6 months I have been really healthy since our move to Montana which has allowed me to focus on adjusting to life here and simply enjoying this time and slowly getting established with doctors so they are there and ready when I do need them.  

     I caught a virus/cold thing that I started coming down with yesterday.  I have been pushing my limits physically for the last couple of months as I've enjoyed better health or at least a "calm in the storm" with just my typical day to day pains that I have learned to ignore, which can be good and bad.  I have been getting to know new friends and overbooking myself, which is a pattern in my life that I have tried to conquer, but can be so difficult to have to say no to things because of my limited energy due to PCD and the other assorted things that physically affect me.  Thankfully the Lord is gracious, as our my friends and family that are so understanding when I have to cancel because I've pushed too hard...again.  

     God always has a way of "making me lie down in green pastures" though, reminding me that I need to be more dependent on Him and be better at running my schedule by Jordan so he can protect me from myself.  :)  

     I am pretty much established with all the doctors I need to be now, for a grand total of 7, with one or two more to possibly be added down the road as needed.  I saw a Christian Neurologist today who I absolutely loved and he told me I was seeing the best Pulmonologist in town--praising God for leading me to the right doctors over and over again.  The neurologist is also going to sign up for the PCDF newsletter so he can learn about it!  I've never had a doctor do that on his own...so thankful!  The great thing about a small town is that even if the doctors aren't in the same clinic, they all still know each other and will pick up the phone and call each other since I'm a "complicated, complex, hard case" in their words.  

     For an update with the meds I'm still on that helped bring me out of the psychosis, thankfully I am on half the dose I was 6 months ago, which is a huge praise.  I tried to wean off a little more and stopped sleeping well, which, for obvious reasons, gave Jord a scare.  After three nights and starting to "buzz" a little, we went back up on the higher dose and I'm going to stay there for now, especially since I have a trip to Arizona coming up that I don't want to miss!  I will finally get to meet my nephew, Hunter Ray Campbell, for the first time!  Something that has been difficult for my spiritual heart is that because the med I was trying to wean off of is known for causing birth defects, the psychiatrist won't prescribe them unless we are using birth control.  I think I'm content with where God has me then something like that comes up and hits me right between the eyes and sends me back to crying out to God for a miracle and wrestling with Him over my heart desires, what is wise with the state of my health, and ultimately, what is HIS will for my life in this area.  A dear friend reminded me of Jesus' prayers in the garden of Gethsemene...He knew He was going to the cross, but He still prayed (with an attitude of submissiveness!) for the cup to pass, nevertheless, not His will but the Father's be done (Matt 26).  It's funny because I have said those exact words to other people over the years, but its amazing how we can lose sight of things when we are struggling and faced with a challenge.  She also said something I had never thought about before...there are three ways to pray: 

1) That God would change my heart's desire to match His will
2) That He would grant me my heart's desire
3) That if the desires are not taken away that I would walk in obedience to His will.

     I had never thought about praying the third way before, but it was extremely helpful in shepherding my heart.  Jord and I are meeting with our Pastor as well to get his help and insight as we continue to walk a challenging road, but a road that God has called us to walk down.  In the midst of all of the challenges, there is much to be thankful for.  

     First and foremost, our salvation in Jesus, for which I have my hope and the promise of a heavenly body that will work perfectly for all of eternity as I praise and worship my Lord with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  Secondly, for the amazing husband God has given me in Jordan.  He is such a priceless gift from above and continues to love, support, and treasure me in a way that boggles my mind when I think about all the times he has stuck by my side when many other men would have walked away.  Be looking for a post on him soon and how I've been growing in praying for him more.  :)  Another thing to praise God for is how healthy I have been, even through the winter, here in Montana.  I caught a couple colds, but none of them moved into my sinuses are lungs and I didn't need antibiotics which is huge.  I'm praying the same thing holds true for this one.  We are also a part of a wonderful church and I am making some very sweet, godly friendships with women that encourage and exhort me, for which I am very thankful.  I am also incredibly grateful for our Pastor, Joe Young, who preaches the truth from the Word of God in season and out of season, and is a very tender shepherd of the flock God has called him to be over.  I'm also thankful for the kiddos I get to love on, especially the Jolly kiddos.  The Jolly's have adopted us into their family and love us like their own and their kids are always excited to see me and love on me, which helps heal that grief that naturally comes with not being able to have our own children.  I am so thankful that throughout our almost 10 years of marriage, there has always been a family with young kids that I have been able to pour into and love on like my own and watch them grow, some now into adulthood!  Those relationships are precious, wonderful gifts from my sweet Savior who knows exactly what I need when I need it.  

     Something I would love prayer for is that I have been having joint pain, especially in my hands--so much so that it wakes me up at night and I can barely move them in the morning they are so stiff and hurt so bad.  In seeing my PCP this morning, he is doing a workup for Rheumatoid Arhtritis and other things.  First and foremost, pray that I would capture those thoughts that lead to vain speculations.  Secondly, that we would have an answer soon and that God would grant Jord and I wisdom in choosing treatment options, if there are any.  

     Another thing I would appreciate prayer for is that I would be better about exercising and eating healthier.  It can be so easy to let these good habits fall by the wayside in my race to do all the fun stuff, but exercise and nutrition are even more critical for my health than your average person.  However, I also don't want to go overboard and have that be all I'm thinking about.  A new friend had a great way of putting it...she was seeing a Christian Naturopath and she told her that it is critical for her to eat healthy and stick to her strict diet most of the time, but that there are times when fellowship is more important and for those meals, we can simply enjoy them, and pray for grace for the side effects.  I love that philosophy because we can become so focused on what we can and cannot eat that we forget to enjoy the food God has provided for us and the people that we share those meals with.  

     I think that about covers all that's going on health wise right now.  Jord is maintaining his health pretty well, although, like everyone else, we can always exercise more and eat healthier.  ;)  We did hit a deer the other night in our Tahoe--praising God for His protection--if we had been in our car it would have come through the windshield right into my lap.  However, because our Tahoe is older, it is likely going to be totaled so we are in the process of finding out everything now and praying for the right vehicle...we TRIED to keep a vehicle for longer than six months...we really did!!!  :)  Thankful we know Jesus and that He is sovereign over everything and has a plan and a purpose in all of life.  

In the Love of the Lamb,
Rachelle

Where I have been yesterday and today aside from my doc appointments...in bed watching 19 kids and counting!

  

     

       

Buddy and Me

     In March of 1997, my life would be forever changed.  A good family friend of ours called and said that he just got word of a bunch of horses that were going to be auctioned off.  He knew we were looking to get a young horse for me to train, so we went to look at them off of Cortaro Road.  It turned out that this group of horses had been confiscated by the State in a drug bust.  They wouldn’t come with papers, but I didn’t need a papered horse to barrel race.  We looked them over and a couple caught our eye, one being a sorrel stallion that stood eating the hay, calm as could be.  My parents went to the auction while I was at school.  I remember thinking of names that day and coming up with “Buddy”.  I was so excited to get home I couldn’t really concentrate on school that day. 

       I literally ran off the bus and my Dad greets my by saying, “We got Busted from the auction for you” to which I immediately replied, “His name is Buddy!”  That argument still goes on today, 17 years later.  I fell in love with him quickly.  We had him gelded and he vet-checked at 3-3 ½ years old.  I was 13.  I started ground training him and after a few weeks, my family gathered to watch as I got on him for the first time in the round pen.  I was ready for a rodeo, but as I got on him, and nudged him with my heels, he just stood there, turning his head around to look at me, like, “What are you doing up there.”  Mom got in the round pen and led him and once he got walking at a good pace would duck out of the round pen.  Buddy would immediately stop.  So much for the rodeo I was expecting.  I had devoured training books and was prepared for the horse that wouldn’t stop, but had never heard of a horse that wouldn’t move.

       I looked through my books again and one trainer said to hold his head to the side and not to let him straighten out his neck unless he moved his feet to get his head straight.  As soon as he moved his feet, release the pressure.  This worked like a charm.  We also started going on trail rides and Mom would pony me on Gold.  Riding Buddy was something I looked forward to every day.  It also gave me a reason to fight back hard when I got sick.  A trained horse didn’t miss much when I was sick and couldn’t ride, but if I missed riding for several days on Buddy, he went backwards in training pretty quick.  Horses are repetitive learning animals so the more you do something, the better they learn. 

       One of my first memories of Buddy and I’s amazing bond is when Aunt Netta came over to tell us that Great Grandma Duncan had been diagnosed with colon cancer and the doctors gave her two weeks to live.  I remember running out to his pen, sobbing, and throwing my arms around his neck.  He literally turned his head to wrap me in a “hug”.  It’s amazing the way God created animals to sense when we are out of sorts and upset, and the kindness He shows us in giving us these incredible gifts from above. 

       Before I was saved, horses were my god.  I said I would never live in the city and I would never not have horses.  They say never say never and that proved true for me.  For the last 10 years I have lived in or near the city and Buddy stayed at my parent’s house.  Thankfully I was always within 45 minutes to an hour from their place and was always able to see him and ride.  Since being saved, God has shown me what a wonderful gift Buddy is, and how I can use our relationship to point to the One who made us. 

       It’s hard to find words to explain the bond between horse and girl.  It’s something so precious and beautiful, words don’t do it justice.  I can get on him in the midst of trials and go for a ride and enjoy being one with my horse out in God’s beautiful creation, and suddenly my circumstances don’t seem so big or bad.  There have been many incredible moments like running at top speed bareback through the desert, wind blowing through my hair, a feeling rivaled by few things in this life.  The many times when I have been sick and just go out to his pen and lay on his back and instantly feel a bit better.  Or the many starlit nights as a kid that I would just lay on his back and look at the stars  or when I would take him to the grassy area with a good book and lay on his back and read while he happily chomped away at the grass.

       Horses are one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind and my life has been much richer for having them in my life. 

Job 39:19-24 says,

 “Have you given the horse strength?

Have you clothed his neck with thunder?

Can you frighten him like a locust?

His majestic snorting strikes terror.

He paws in the valley, and rejoices in his strength;

He gallops into the clash of arms.

He mocks at fear, and is not frightened;

Nor does he turn back from the sword.

The quiver rattles against him,

The glittering spear and javelin.

He devours the distance with fierceness and rage;

Nor does he come to a halt because the trumpet has sounded.”

       There’s nothing like driving up in my parent’s yard, getting out and yelling, “Hey Buddy boy” and having him nicker and come towards the fence to get some attention.  Or making that special whistling sound and having him start to prance in anticipation of a good run.  Or doing his “fancy trot” with head bowed and ears pricked forward prancing along for all to see just how gorgeous he is.  I truly have been blessed beyond measure with not only a great partner but a loving friend. 

Buddy

I remember when I first laid eyes on you,

That warm spring day,

You were focused so intently,

On eating up all that hay.

The excitement and anticipation, not knowing if I’d get you,

Or one of the other horses,

As I got off the bus that day and ran into the yard,

God gave me the buddy I would need,

Knowing in a much deeper way,

Just how much I would need you,

More than I could ever know at the time.

Teaching you to follow me on the ground,

Your first saddle,

My first ride,

I thought it was going to be fast,

But you just stood there, perplexed,

Wondering why I wasn’t by your side.

It didn’t take us long,

To figure out how to go forward,

And how far you’ve come,

From all those years ago.

You motivated me to keep going,

When the going got tough,

You gave me a challenge,

When our iron wills would clash,

But friendship always won out,

As we learned from each other,

And I am a much better person because of you.

You helped me through some very hard times,

Learning my loved ones were lost to cancer,

I spent countless hours on your back,

Pouring out my heart and soul to you,

My friend that would listen no matter what,

And love me through it all.

Getting married and leaving you behind,

One of the hardest things to do,

But so thankful for my precious husband,

Who saw that bond between me and you,

And encouraged me to spend more time in your presence,

As he saw the passion and joy you brought to me.

Running through the desert,

Wind streaming through my hair,

Cutting in and around the bushes,

With the slightest touch of my leg,

Like you were reading my mind,

And did what I wanted you to do,

Before I even asked.

What a team we make,

Demonstrating this mysterious bond,

Between horse and rider,

Something that cannot be explained,

Other than a priceless gift from above,

Infinitely blessed by the One who created you,

 All those years ago,

Knowing the love we would share,

And how our bond would bring Him glory,

For it’s only because of Him,

My Great God and Savior,

That we are such precious friends.

Here are many pictures, depicting our precious bond.  :) Enjoy!

Sharing my passion with others :) 

I Win

     We had a guest preacher that did a conference at our church this weekend.  This evening's message really hit close to home.  In the course of the message, he shared the story of a man he knew who went in for a simple hernia surgery and three weeks later was given the news that cancer had spread everywhere, there was nothing they could do, and was given 7 days to live.  When Pastor Bill asked his wife how he took the news, she said he responded with, "I win."  She went on to explain that they were very competitive in everything they did, sometimes even getting into bed at night, one would jump on the bed and declare, "I win."  When this 32 year old man whose wife was pregnant with their first child was given the news he had 7 days to live, he simply answered that he won--he would get to heaven first.  

     With all that Jord and I have gone through--almost losing me in the first psychosis episode and then his heart attack, this struck very close to home.  The Spirit stirred my heart and I came home and wrote this poem.  Cass, I've never met you, but I pray that God will give you His all sufficient grace to continue the journey towards heaven and to remember that One Day as His beloved children, we all win.  We will be in the presence of God and fellowship and worship Jesus with our beloved ones for all of eternity and this life will seem but a vapor and as the familiar hymn goes, "When we've been there 10,000 years, bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun."

I Win

Two little words,

Uttered at the darkest of times,

A child on the way,

And cancer taking Daddy home…

Home to be with Jesus,

Where there is no more pain, sorrow, or suffering,

Only the glorious inheritance that is ours,

Because of Calvary’s cross…

Lord, for the ones left behind,

We don’t understand,

We all ask why,

We wrestle with the truths in Your Word…

A child will never meet his earthly Daddy,

A young wife who three weeks before,

Was looking forward to all that was in store…

Oh how this hits so close to home,

For the beloved one You have given me,

To walk through the valleys and peaks of the mountains of life,

Is always wondering in the back of his mind,

When will I get that call?

I can still see the pain on his face,

As he is writhing back and forth,

Me helpless to do anything,

But beseech my Savior above and wait…

When those nine minutes seemed like an eternity,

Being passed by the ambulance with blinking lights,

Knowing my beloved one was under their care…

The doctor coming and giving us news,

The news of “we don’t really know”,

And if it’s this scenario,

There will be nothing we can do.

Numbness, yet God knows the cries of my heart,

My beloved one joking,

“Well, this funny thing happened, I’m still alive.”

 Praise be to God,

He saw fit to preserve our walk together,

But one day, this walk will end,

One will go before the other,

Unless Jesus comes back to take us all home,

Or He answers the cries of our heart to go together…

Only God knows the number of our days,

Our life here is but a vapor,

A vapor that sprouts into eternity,

An eternity of perfection,

Living with Jesus forever,

Reunited with our beloved ones,

And yes, in the end, for the children of God,

We all win. 

To Him be the Glory,

Rachelle