My Savior's Comfort on Mother's Day

     Mother's Day can often bring many emotions bubbling to the surface--not just for me and others who struggle with infertility, but there are so many painful circumstances in this life with broken relationships that doesn't mesh with the "HallMark Mother's Day" experience.  Life in the real world is riddled with sin and all its consequences.  Even in the best of circumstances, Mothering is just plain hard and those expectations you have of your husband giving you the break our culture tells you that you deserve on this day of all days, may come tumbling down.  In reality, there is no day that Mom's aren't on duty--the baby only wants Mom, and the little hands clamor for you even if Daddy is there and ready and willing to help.  Long story short, this day can bring emotions that run the gamut.  For me, it snuck up on me this year, but in light of me preparing to have a hysterectomy on Tuesday, the combination definitely hit hard. 

     On my trip home, my friends encouraged and challenged me to allow myself to grieve and mourn and cry--reminded me that it's ok to do that.  So, instead of distracting myself by overdoing it and keeping busy so I didn't have time to think about things like I was doing prior to my trip, I slowed down and purposely journaled and prayed and sat in my backyard and watched the birds and played with the dogs and really just put my heart and feelings before the Lord.  And He met me--and continues to strengthen, encourage, and sustain me and give me His peace that truly transcends all understanding moment by moment.  Last night as I was video chatting with my best friend, Jenn, and playing Mario Kart on the switch online with Landon, Mason, Asher, and Lily, I told her I thought today would be a little harder as for many years we have been in church together and every Mother's Day she would always have the kids give me something special.  While I have the beginnings of many wonderful relationships and new kiddos to love on here, it takes time for kids to get to know you.  But my God reminded me in MANY ways that HE is the One who comforts through His people and met me in so many ways today.  I awoke to a text from a friend who also walked the infertility journey here and said that she was praying for me and lying in bed weeping for me and then brought verses to bear, and then said, "Happy Mother's Day to a woman who has the heart of a mother and lets it show to all of the children God brings your way!" A few tears were shed but joy flooded my heart as I was reminded that my God knows my heart and my needs and supplies it every step of the way!  

     Throughout the morning I received more texts from old friends and new and then special hugs at church and people asking how I was doing and wanting to know if today was hard--and then they listened and I know they love me and they share their kiddos with me and they are all ready and lined up to pour out Christ's love to me starting with meals tomorrow and anything else we might need over the coming weeks.  Then worship started--out of all the songs our worship leader could have picked, he chose, "Psalm 130".  It's a Sovereign Grace worship song that we sang way back when we were at Sovereign Grace in 2007 when I was first starting my journey through infertility.  I can't tell you how many times I have sobbed to that song and tears just flooded my eyes as I worshipped my Savior.  I'm pretty sure in the year and a half we have been here in Huntsville we haven't sang that song at church yet.  My God knows my heart intimately and knew exactly what I needed.  Then the message: Romans 8:28-30 was our passage: "For we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified." The first point was, "Does God have purpose in your suffering?" The answer is a resounding yes!  The good is not that God is going to make my "bad" circumstances go away but that He will make me more like Jesus in the midst of the trials.  I HIGHLY recommend listening to this sermon, especially if you are hurting right now--it is SO encouraging! HERE is the LINK to listen--it's the whole service so I believe the song I was referencing is the second song, but HERE is the LINK to just the song if you want to listen to that.  

     So yes, today can be hard, but it can also be filled with much joy, given by my great Savior who loves me and knows my heart intimately and has provided SO many people in my life from family to friends who love me and whose kiddos are like my own.  I also called my Mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and she had Hunter, Gunner, and Ryker with her and without any prompting they all kept saying, "Happy Mother's Day Aunt Shel! Happy Mother's Day Aunt Shel." What grace poured out from my great God who, in His infinite wisdom and love, has ordained that I will not have children from my body, but He gives me Himself--Jesus bore the wrath of God on the cross so that I might have eternal life with Him for all eternity.  This body is HARD to live in, but there IS a Day coming when Jesus comes back or takes me home and I will breathe deep and free and have endless energy and more importantly, a heart that is free from sin that will worship my Savior perfectly--O what glorious Days those will be! Will you join me on this journey to heaven?  There is no promise that it will be easy, and often, it's the harder road, but O, my friends, while Jesus does not promise ease and comfort, He promises to be with you in the valleys and He will never leave you nor forsake you, and more importantly, He saves you from an eternity separated from God in hell.  Let today be the day of your salvation! Come quickly Lord Jesus! 

In His Mighty Grip,

Rachelle 

Faith on Trial

      Hey everyone!  I just got back from a whirlwind trip back home to meet my newest nephew, Rhett, and to go to my cousin, Braelyn's, wedding.  While there I also got to see 9 of my closest Christian friends all gathered in the same place at Jenn's house--it was a sweet time of fellowship and makes me look forward to That Day all the more!  At one point as we were sitting around the dinner table, it quieted down, and Hilarie just said, "Isn't God's faithfulness amazing?"  Indeed it is! I had a wonderful time, although it was quick, and goodbye's were bittersweet as I was excited to get back to my new home and life here in Alabama--especially to my hubby and puppies.  

      The day before I left, I scheduled a surgery for a partial hysterectomy--everything but my ovaries, so that I don't go into full on menopause.  For years I've been treated for assumed endometriosis and have been diagnosed with PCOS and then un-diagnosed with PCOS.  Needless to say, I have a LOT of female issues and have horrible, painful periods every month and nausea a lot of the time.  Although this surgery will come with a hard physical recovery for me as I'll have to balance between pain management, allowing my body to heal, and the need to do my chest percussion therapy to clear out my lungs--especially after surgery--it comes even more so with a lot of difficult and challenging emotions to walk through.  I've said many times that the infertility piece to PCD has hands down been the hardest part of the journey for me.  It's been the trial that I have wrestled with God through many times and think "Ok, I'm doing good--I'm content with never having children" and then "Wham!"--there come those sneaky emotions bubbling up to surprise you.  Thankfully there has been MUCH growth and sanctification over the last 15 years and I am much further along in my journey now than when I first started to really realize that not only would my dream of conceiving my own children likely not happen, but adoption likely wasn't an option for us either, due to the severity of my health issues.  All throughout the journey, God has been constant and faithful--He has heard my cries and comforted my heart--very often through many of you.  As Joni Eareckson Tada says, "I'd rather be in this wheelchair knowing Christ than walking around not knowing Him."--I change it to, "I'd rather know Jesus and not have kids than have kids and not know Jesus."  My Savior is THAT precious--as much as it hurts and can be difficult, there is also much grace and encouragement and there are many good things I'm able to do that I wouldn't be able to do if we had our own children.

     I've got a lot more to say and will write more later, but wanted to get this out there so y'all could be praying for Jord and I as we take this next step in the journey God has placed before us.  The surgery is scheduled for May 10th and will come with at least one overnight stay at a local hospital here in Huntsville.  Thank you once more for all the prayers, love, and support--Jord and I definitely cannot do this alone--so thankful for all those at Grace Community who are ready and waiting to serve us and walk alongside us--we truly are so blessed.  Here are a few of the many pictures I took from my trip! Enjoy!