New and Old Words

     I came across a couple of my old journals when I was going through a box the other day.  One of them begins in 1998 when I was 14 and we were on a family vacation to SeaWorld where my Mom got to swim with the dolphins--a present my Dad had given her--one of her lifelong dreams.  The second one ends in July of 2004 when Jordan and I were engaged and I was praying about wedding plans and being excited about the prospect of getting married and wondering what it would be like to "finally" be Mrs. Rachelle Ann Thomas.  In between are years of growing and many, many changes, not the least of which was my Papa's death that God used to bring me to Jesus and eternal life.  I will forever be thankful for my Mom's decision to take us to a little Baptist church in Marana after he passed away.  

     Much of the first journal is a "gratitude journal".  I simply wrote down multiple things I was thankful for everyday.  Flipping through there were things like, "For Justin making me laugh", "That I know Mom and Dad love me" "Mom carting us around to where we need to go", "Brodie and Braelyn making me smile", "For Secret (one of our horses) giving me a fun ride and keeping me on my toes", "For Grandma baking us goodies" (that one is in there multiple times!), "Mike making Aunt Netta so happy", "Aunt Dawn watching us and all her help" "Jen helping me clean pens", and yes, even the silly girl things like, "Thankful for Tammy going with me to talk to THAT boy that I had such a crush on" (if you can believe it I was super shy at one point in life!).  In other parts I simply wrote what had happened that day and other times I poured my heart out.  Like the time we rushed to get my brother from a football game after he sustained a concussion or Papa had really bad pain as the cancer progressed.  Then as I start to go to church and get to know Jesus, my writings become mixed with prayers as well.  After Aunt Dawn encouraged me to write my first poem "Mountains" (Click here to read it in another blog post) inspired by Papa, sometimes there are poems mixed in too.

     There are smiles, laughter, and even tears as I read through them.  Its encouraging to read my prayers as a brand new believer and see the zeal Jesus gave me to tell others about Him and remembering how I went about it. (Like making what I called "Shelly-grams" in high school and giving them to classmates that had verses or encouraging words on them).  I wrote down answers to questions from one of my first devotionals I went through and my answers can be pretty interesting at times, but its fun to realize just how much I have grown in the Lord.  It's also really neat to see all the different things I prayed for and the different ways the Lord answered those prayers.  Fourteen years later, I'm still praying similar prayers, some were answered with a resounding no while God graciously said yes to others.  As I grew as a believer, instead of simply writing about my latest crush I prayed for "that special someone" many a time and I am so thankful how He answered in sending me such an amazing husband who treasures and loves me so well.  

     One thing that stood out was my goals and what my plans were for my life.  I was training my horse, Buddy, on barrels and wanted to High School Rodeo and eventually go pro with that.  I also was heavily involved in the FFA in high school and I wanted to become a State Officer and Papa and I were working on some agricultural projects when he got sick to help me towards that.  When I graduated high school my plan was to major in Microbiology, go to Med School, become an Oncologist, and research Melanoma Skin Cancer. (The cancer my Papa died from.)  I have many prayers asking for guidance and wisdom to know what to do and what to pursue as I read through the Bible for the first time and learned more and more.  My first semester in college, I had a Biology lab and it was there I discovered research might not be the thing for me when we were doing experiments.  They would call for precise measurements and I had more of the "Ah close enough" approach.  I was also thinking about wanting to get married and have a family and the time being a doctor took, so I decided to go into Nursing instead.  Jordan and I had met at that point and it was within the next year that God worked in my heart to focus on the home, which ultimately led to me quitting school so I could work part-time for that good ole health insurance and we could get married sooner.  

     Life can take some interesting turns that you never saw coming.  I accomplished pretty much none of my plans, but the verse that comes to my mind is Proverbs 16:9, "Many are the plans in a mans heart, but the Lord directs his steps."  Looking back, I was the healthiest I ever was in high school but it was almost as soon as Jordan and I got married and I turned 21 that my health started tanking again.  In God's providence, He knew I would get sick again and for me being around sick people wouldn't be wise at all.  In a journal entry dated July 20th of 2003 I write about reading what would become some of my favorite Christian Historical Fiction Books and one of the lessons God showed me through them.  I write, "...all the trials and tribulations they faced.  Their anger and bitterness at God but their eventual complete trust in Him...no matter what He allowed, he worked it all together to serve His glorious purposes."  God makes no mistakes.  Life can be hard and difficult--Jord and I's last several years have been nothing like what we would have planned for ourselves.  I certainly never imagined I'd really live anywhere other than Arizona and now I'm in Montana and I am more than just surviving my first REAL winter.  Before the last three years I never would have admitted that I was angry or bitter towards God over different circumstances in life.  I would say I was discontent with not having children, but that's as far as I would go.  Yet God knows my heart and He knows what we need to be molded and conformed into His image.  Up until this last year, I never would have admitted to being depressed and as I was slipping into the third psychosis episode last summer, I was adamant that other things were going on.  It's hard to put into words what its like to go through physical trials involving such extremes of the mind.  For now I will just say that it has broken us in ways we needed to be broken before the Lord as we continue to learn to daily depend on Him.  Last night I was reading in Galatians 5:5-6 "For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love."  I was reminded yet again that our hope only comes through the work of the Spirit as we wait to become what Christ has made us at the cross.  NOTHING we do can add to or take away from His finished work, yet we are called to faithfully run the race He has called us to as it says in my blog themed verse of Hebrews 12:1-3.  

     As usual, this post ended up going places I didn't know I was headed when I started writing, but that's usually how it goes with me.  :)  Now I will leave you with a poem I wrote in October of 2003 that encouraged me the other day--it's a funny thing to be encouraged by something I totally didn't remember writing....I actually thought I had copied it from somewhere as I was reading it but got to the end and was like, "Oh, I wrote this??"  I hope it encourages you as it did me and as always, thanks for taking time to read what I write and pray for Jordan and I as we continue on this journey called life.

God's Friend

To be called God's friend is an honor for sure...

Despite my deepest follies,

Despite my selfish sin,

 Nothing in my heart is hidden from Him,

As it is so cleverly hidden from others,

And yet, still, I am His friend.

He promises He knows my name,

Once I have trusted in him,

A gift never to be taken away...

No matter how short I fall,

And O how short I fear I do...

Nothing can snatch me from his Loving hands.

For I am His and He is mine,

He my light, I His plan...

Working daily to discern,

His precious will for me,

But never once forgetting,

The great price at which I cost,

For my King, my God, my Jesus died for me at Calvary's cross...

And yet, I am still His friend!

This wonder is hard to comprehend,

But day by day I will go to Him,

To praise and worship Him,

With the joy of being His,

And trust that He knows best,

And never forgetting that no matter what,

I will always be His friend.

~Rachelle Thomas~

                           

Lord I Believe, Help my Unbelief!

Lord I Believe, Help my Unbelief!

            These words from Mark 9 are so often the mantra of my heart.  I know in my head all the verses about God’s Sovereignty but when the circumstances of your life come to head with what you know to be true about God, questions easily arise and if I am not careful, I quickly find myself going down the “Why?” road, or trying to figure out an explanation or how to change things, and most of all, how to get out of the unpleasant circumstances I find myself in as quickly as possible.  And yet I feel stuck.  Wondering what to do…a few hours of the day I have some motivation and “get some stuff done”, and then quickly go back to what I have termed “laziness.”  Is it really laziness though?  Or escape from life? And as a friend said, there I go on a rocking horse going back and forth “trying to figure it out” and not going anywhere, when what I simply need to do is trust God.  Trust Him with my days, trust Him with my time, and trust Him the way He calls me to.  As I was reading in John 14 tonight, I came across the highlighted verse 15 of Jesus speaking, “If you love me you will obey my commandments.”  Immediate conviction and even condemnation and thoughts of “I really need to work on this laziness thing and get out of bed on time and not go the escape route and not worry about the meds etc et al.” Then I read on and this is what I found: “And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— ¹⁷ the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. ¹⁸ I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”  So often I tend towards the “pull up the bootstraps” kind of faith and do what you know you need to do—obey!  And look at what Jesus does—He does call us to obey, but in the same breath He is praying for us that the Spirit would help us—enable us—to do what He calls us to.  What a precious truth for my “I believe, help my unbelief!” sinner’s heart.  God is so good to give us exactly what we need when we need it!

This picture reminds me of how God used each unique snowflake to make something beautiful--we don't know how God will use our present circumstances for His glory, but we can rest assured He will.  Just as He used thousands of individual snowflakes to make this brilliant landscape I awoke to one morning.  He has a purpose for every one of us, even when it seems like life is just passing us by.  As hard as it is, we can thank Him for the trials as they give us opportunity to bring Him glory in a much deeper way than we ever would be able to if life was simple and painless. 

 

Created For His Glory, Saved by His Son, Enabled by His Spirit,

Rachelle :) 

Seasons

This came from contemplating the seasons of life... :) 

Seasons

Seasons come and seasons go,

Time that at once rushes by,

And goes oh so slow,

Days of sunshine flying high,

Nights of deepest darkness never to escape the valley below.

Longing for past happiness,

Of days gone by,

Remembering the old routine

And things that came so easily…

Things that seem to be but whispers in the darkness,

Flitting, fluttering by,

Trying to grasp at anything that will turn off the pain,

And what seems like vain suffering.

Little truths trickle in among the numbness,

Christ died for His ransomed ones,

No valley is beyond His reach,

Though feeling nothing,

I know there is nowhere else to go…

Look up to the One who made all things,

To the One who sees your hurt,

Knows your tears,

Has planned your days,

And yes, even knows the number of your years…

Nothing we can change.

You are the unchangeable One,

The Almighty Prince of Peace,

That has a purpose for every pain,

Every trial and suffering.

As winter snows begin to melt,

And the sun comes out a little more each day,

Time has become that friend that brings new things,

Like bright flowers peeking out of the ground,

Reminding us of the lily’s of the field that God cares so much for,

Remember He cares for every little thing,

And not a sparrow drops from the sky,

But He knows, He sees, He cares, He loves,

So much more than you or I…

So what is left to do?

Trust and obey…

For though our path may seem muddy and unclear,

The winds may howl,

The storms may rage,

But Christ Jesus has a purpose for each page…

And we never know what tomorrow holds,

Little joys that would have gone untold,

As we continue to live this journey called life,

With its ups and downs, joys and sorrows,

All headed for a bright tomorrow

When we stand on the shores of eternity.

Rachelle Thomas 

Musings

Hello once again from a long absence.  :)  It appears my writing goes in seasons...kind of like life.  There are seasons of plenty and seasons of drought, ups and downs, paths you never thought you'd take, places you never thought you'd be.  But I'm oh so thankful that through it all I know Jesus is watching over me.  One tremendous change is location...this Arizona girl is finally discovering what it's like to live through a "real" winter like I'd always joked about...in Montana.  Yep, you read right.  Big Sky Country...a place I've dreamed of running my horse through the rolling GREEN hills in the SUMMER...instead we moved in October...just in time for the first snow storms of the season...and in November I got to experience those negative numbers on the thermometer...yep didn't need that side of the thermometer in Arizona but getting acquainted with it now.  God has been very gracious during this move.  That's a story for another post and thankfully my health has been stable which is a tremendous praise as I begin to get insurance stuff changed over and begin the quest to find new doctors. 

Anyway, there's lots to catch you all up on, but for those that don't know, the short story is that it was a job change and family friends with a job for Jordan that brought us up to the Northwest.  More details on that later too.  :) 

I've been doing some thinking and journaling reflecting specifically on the last three years since my first psychosis episode and this poem came out of it and wanted to share.  I'm continuing to pray about writing and seeing where the Lord would have me go with it and I was reminded tonight by a very good friend that every season is a gift from God and that we don't want to waste them. I've felt like I've had "extra" time on my hand, but have not been using it wisely or unto the Lord.  I would love for you all to pray that the meds I'm continuing on would not continue to hinder my getting up in the morning and that God would show me very specifically how I could best glorify Him with each and every hour of my day...and please hold me accountable!  :)

Musings:  “a product of contemplation”

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing, in EVERYTHING give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Trials oh so hard,

But Jesus makes the way,

Come what may…

Rambling, one word right after another,

Tumbling, spilling, rushing,

Oh how I could wish them back,

But even these words so rambled and confused,

Out of place, wrong time, and so not “me”,

Yet it is the “me” that Jeremiah warns of…

Our desperately wicked hearts,

That sow nothing good.

Yet His mercies are new every morning

And His ways are so much higher than ours…

What sweet and precious words,

Spoken of by prophets long ago.

Prophet…could it be?

Is it He?

Looking towards that DAY,

But not thinking straight,

Nor communicating in her usual way.

A mirror filled with symbols,

Crying out to the man she loves,

The man of her dreams and the one who loves her so well!

Such pain filled memories...but be captured they must…

For the pain reminds us to long for those eternal shores…

Our heavenly home that will never disappoint!

Rejoice, rejoice, for HE has come and is coming again…

Life is hard, but God IS good,

Come what may….yes come what may.

Rachelle Thomas

As we approach the New Year may you know the One who made you better and better and praise Him for sending His precious Son, Who set aside His rights as King of all Kings and was born in a manger and came to die on a bloody cross for your sin and mine so that His mercies are new each and every day to all those who repent of their sin and trust in Jesus Christ alone for salvation.  And may we all remember that as long as we have breath His purposes prevail--there is a reason for every season--no matter how long or difficult.  

For His Glory Alone,

Rachelle